I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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