Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
