shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize