ugly people sure do ruin things
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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