Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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