i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
