No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
