dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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