Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize