Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
