Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
