Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
