I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
vagina is talking i cant
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
