I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
