I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
