Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
