is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
