I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
