They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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