bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
