you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
