That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
