I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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