you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
