They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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