My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
