mondays should just be called national damage control day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
