Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
