I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize