Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
