I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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