so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
