so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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