More tranny stories later!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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