who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
