DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
