i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
