What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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