i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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