Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
