Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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