oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize