It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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