I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
