Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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