Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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