4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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