the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
