Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
