I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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