Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
