I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
