she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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