Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize