do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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