I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
