The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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