I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
