Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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