How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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