You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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