Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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