So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
