I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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